FUNNY JOKES!

[Cat]

Joke 1
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Joke 2
The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

[God]

...those are nice!

[Eternal Life]

uuuhh yahek

[JoJo]

HAHAA!

[Cat]

lol

[JoJo]

I have a lot of really sick, disturbing jokes.

[munkeydung]

LOL those are funny.

Hannah, say them PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Cat]

I do too hannah.....

[Eternal Life]

Say Them! Say Them! Say Them!

[munkeydung]

Now or i will stab you

[Cat]

Joke 1
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your mother"

Joke 2
A little boy was begging his mom to take him to see Santa at the mall. As the mom and the little boy were getting there the boy ran and shoved the rest of the kids away. The little boy asked Santa for a brother cuz he felt lonely. Santa smiled and said "Well then get ur little ass off of me and let your mama get on!"

Joke 3
Jerome and Bill work together. Jerome always wondered why Bill was always so happy at work, so he asked "man, why you always so happy?" Bill replied "I get some from my wife every morning before I come in to work!" Jerome said "Wow! how do you do that?" Bill said "I wrote her a poem, it goes Blonde hair blonde hair, eyes so blue, each morning I wake up I can't wait to make love to you!" Jerome said "Damn boy, your so slick!" "I'm gonna have to write one for my wife." The next day, Jerome shows up to work with a black eye and busted lip. Bill asked "what the hell happened to you?" Jerome said "I wrote a poem for my wife, it read "Nappy head, nappy head eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I would fuck you like a dog!"

[Cat]

Joke 1
There was a mother and daughter walking down the street one day, and they saw two dogs doing it. The daughter was like, "Mommy, what is them two dogs doing?" "They are making donuts baby lets go." So that night the mother and father did it on the couch. When they were finished they went upstairs and the daughter came down and saw something on the couch. So the next morning while the mother was making breakfast the daughter was like, "Mommy I know what you and daddy was doing last night, yall was making donuts, cuz I tasted the frosting on the couch."

Joke 2
It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.
I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

Joke 3
Okay so there was a guy stanging in line waiting to get tickets to the local event, when suddenly he feels someone kneading on his back. SO he turns around and says "what the hell are you doing!" and the guy replies, "well, I am a chiropracter and i am just kepeing in practice while standing in line." In which the other guy replies, "Well I am a lawyer and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me do you?!"

Joke 4 YOU HAVE TO READ THIS ONE!
There were 3 couples who all wanted to apply to a church. The first couple were really old , the second couple were middle aged, and the third couple were newlyweds. So the minister says, "in order to join this church you have to not have sex for 2 weeks. " So the couples all go home.

2 weeks later all 3 couples arrive back at the church and the minister asks the older couple, " how did you do?" and the couple goes, "it was really easy, we dont even sleep in the same bed." Then the minister says, okay you are now part of the church. Next he asks the middle aged couple, "how was it?" and the couple says "it was hard at first but it gradually got easier." The minister accepts them into the church and then turns to the newlyweds and says "how was it?" and the guy of the newly weds says, " We had sex, i couldnt help it!" and the minister goes "what do you mean you couldnt help it?" and the guy goes "well when she bent over to pick up that can of paint i just couldnt help it!" "A CAN OF PAINT!" the minister exclaims. Then the minister says, " i am sorry but you are not welcome in this church." and the couple goes, "thats okay we arent welcome in home depot anymore either."

[JoJo]

The first one was SICK!

[munkeydung]

So there was this little girl who was 7 years old. She asks her dad if she can take the Molly, the dog for a walk all by herself. But, it was mating season and she didnt want her dog to get pregnant. So the father promises, "when you are nine you can take the dog for a walk all by yourself."

So on her ninth birthday, the little girl asks, "Daddy, now that i am nine, can i take the doggy for a walk?" The dad says sure, but only around the block. But before she went on the walk, the dad rubbed gasoline all over Molly so all the boy dogs will stay off of her.

So the little girl took off with the dog. when she came home molly wasnt with her. So the dad askes, "where's molly?" the little girl replies, "oh, dont worry. Molly's motor ran out of gasoline and Sparky is filling her back up."

[Toxic Bunny Queen]

There was this man who loved beans. He would eat them every day. Except, when he ate them, he would get VERY bad gas.

So when he got married, he vowed to stop eating beans for his wife's sake.

On his 50th birthday, he was coming home from work. His car broke down 2 miles from home, so he had to walk the rest of the way. On his way home, he stopped at a diner to call his wife. He told her not to wait for him to get home to eat, and she could have dinner by herself. When he got off the phone, he was about to leave when he saw the diner special; Baked beans. He just HAD to have some! He figured that if he ate the beans, he'd pass all his gas on the way home; he still had a mile to go.

So he ate two whole bowls of beans, then headed home. All the way home, he farted and tried to get it all out. But when he arrived at his door, he still had gas. His wife opened the door and said, "Hunny! I have a surprise!" So she put a blindfold over him and sat him in the dinner room. Just then, the phone rang. His wife left to answer it.

He felt a huge pressure in his abdomen, and while his wife was on the phone, he let it go. This one was BAAAD. It killed the flowers and boiled the water in the cups. It stank so much. He fanned the stink away, but passed gas again. This one made the chairs vibrate and smelt so bad, he almost threw up. He continued on like this five more times, until his wife walked in and he held in his gas.

She took of his blindfold, and yelled surprise! Around the dinner table were five of his friends and co-workers, including his boss.